Stars
by Caren H
Summary: Songfic. Meredith thinks on the events of Something to Talk About. Rated T for language. R&R. Icon by me.


Title: Stars

Author: Caren H

Rating: K

Copyright: 11/12/05

Disclaimer: I disclaim.

**A/N**: This is my first attempt at Grey's Anatomy, so bare with me. Following the "Something To Talk About" episode. Not betaed either, so try to ignore any misspelled words or grammar errors.

- Stars by Alison Krauss & Union Station

* * *

After witnessing Alex kiss the ever-intoxicating fool out of Izzie, Meredith bid everyone a farewell. Though, her amusement suddenly plunged as soon as she set foot out the bar. She reasoned that staying with her friends was out of the option. She had recently discovered that taking the time to deal with her depressing feelings about McDreamy was much better than drowning her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Drinking had its effects on her. _Far better than any emotional public outbreak_, she mused to herself. Though, viciously regarding Derek in public was justified. Walking to her car, she set out for the journey home. 

_Stood out in the rain, let it soak me down_

_For I called you, I called you_

_You did not see me there_

_Hidden by the dark, beneath your window_

_But I saw you_

Stepping into the house, Meredith walked over to the couch, shedding away her shoes and jacket in the process, and plopped down on the couch. She was thankful for the tranquil silence, until now. With all the time and stillness of a usually noisy, multi-inhabited house, Meredith found herself thinking about any and everything, and frequently about her current dilemma with Derek. Meredith was down, no scratch that, Meredith was depressed that McDreamy had dumped her, and thinking about her fellow co-workers she suddenly became even sadder with the memory of the entire staffs pointing and staring earlier.

_When putting on a face for the mirror on the wall_

_Dreaming that the looking glass is you_

_Catching my fondest gazes, living though my fickle fazes_

_I love you._

While standing at the nurse's counter looking over patient profiles, she could see Derek from the corner of her eye. Luckily, no one had witnessed how tense she had become. The last thing she needed was to hear Derek's attempts at regretfulness. She couldn't stand to hear the 'lets still be friends' speech anymore than being in his presence. Getting fired for physical abuse wasn't on the top of her list of things. She was eternally grateful for Bailey's impediment. Meredith gulped from the feel of a becoming cry ball in her throat. Maybe she did need a drink.

It angered her to know that Derek didn't find it wrong to approach her. To not think to atleast give her the last of her dignity, or something.

_Spend my dimes on phones trying just to talk,_

_But you don't answer. You let it ring._

_I spend my nights alone catching fallen stars_

_To give to you love. They're just for you._

Meredith made her way to the bathroom, looking at her reflection in modest approval, her dirty blonde hair, almond shaped cerulean eyes, sun kissed skin, and soft lips. _Pick me. Choose me. Love me. _Why hadn't he? She was confident in her looks… her sex appeal, and personality; confidence, wit, empathy, and strong will. And she was sure that Derek had liked those things about her. Wasn't that why they were instantly attracted to one another? Maybe it was her daze bits. She found herself getting distracted here and there.

She didn't believe in denial but, choosing an adulterating wife over her made half sense to her. She couldn't accept it, but she could as well. They shared years of their life together, and even though Addison had hurt him he still wanted to try and make things between them work. Only true love could cause such a thing. Right? Funny, she didn't really see that in the reunited couple, and if it was love it was barely there.

_Stars fall every time a lover has to face the truth_

_And far too many stars fall on me._

_And as they trail the skies I burn their paths upon my eyes_

_I cry_

Meredith began removing her clothes and turned on the shower. Stepping in, she let the hot water run over her body, hoping that not only would it sooth her muscles but, also sooth her aching heart. Meredith was no sappy sob. But, she could admit to being hurt and Derek had hurt her. His sudden explanation of is abiding marriage to Addison was just the start.

He had found his way into her heart and she knew in her heart that she had too. Why had everything resulted in this?

She was emotional strong and could hold her own. But, on this rare occasion of quiet solitude and an hyperactive mind, the hot water continued to fall over her body, cleansing her and relaxing her cramped muscles, and soon followed, were fresh tears that mingled in the midst of running water in uncontained sorrow and anger.

Sorrowful for Derek choosing Addison. Angry forDerek letting her seehis true formthrough his actions. He wasn't 'McDreamy' but, more of a 'McJerk'. He once said that Addison had hurt him in the worst way possible. Strange, how he was doing the exact same thing to her.

She gently caressed her lips, closing her eyes, remembering the feel of hislips on her own, how he kissed with such urgency and passion, yet with gentleness and poise. She remembered waking up to him spooning her from behind. She could still feel his strong arms embracing her tightly. She smiled sadly, wondering if that could ever happen again, then suddenly frowned at the thought. Wishful thinking was also something she didn't do.

Realizing that she would prune at the rate she was going, she began lathering up her sponge and slowly started washing away life's contaminations.

_And it's getting easier each day to weep about you,_

_Harder every night to sleep without you_

_How many years must I be driven by this dream of love with you._

Maybe in time everything would clean, vanish, and become forgotten. Until then, life's dirt would still exist and sleep wouldn't come as easily.

Fin

**A/N**: If you hadn't noticed, I was totally morbid while writing this. What can I say, writing is my vent.


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